107 Things You Don’t Want To Hear Bob Say

1) “You actually put on the ring?!”

2) “Okaaaaaaaay…”

3) “Oh no…”

4) “This is going to hurt.”

5)”HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA… Man, it sucks to be you!”

6) “I modified this creature a little…”

7) “You can bring any character you want… it probably won’t come
out alive.”

8) “He gets up again and starts advancing on the party. He looks

9) “20 more Thri-Kreen come around the dune.”

10) “Evidently that wasn’t the [lich’s] phylactery.”

11) “Oh…don’t mind these rolls…all just unimportant…”

12) “Plot twist time…”

13) “The ring won’t come off.”

14) “You feel compelled to.”

15) “Ooooo, well. How many hit points did you say you had left?”

16) “Complete silence while he stares blankly at me.”

17) “No, you REALLY like that ring. In fact, you think you’d MUCH rather keep it on…”

18) (DM rolls dice for about 30 seconds, during which we assume he’s just idly rolling D6’s). “Saving throws everyone!”

19) “You do what?!! Okay, everyone have 4d6 handy?”

20) “10…9…8…7…6… 5…4…3…2…1…”

21) “Okay, as you come into the clearing you see a bunch of monks running around, while castrated men scream, chained to an altar. Now…I can’t pronounce what they are saying…Nylarthio…Nlatotep
…ah hell, make your fear checks!”

22) “I need some more d6’s.”

23) “I really didn’t expect you guys to do that. sigh

24) “Did you not hear me when I said EMANATING EXTREME EVIL?! That means DON’T TOUCH!”

25) “Look I’m getting a bit drained GMing so I want to take a break. But
don’t worry…”

26) “You don’t mind if…. sits in on the game?”

27) “Hey, another crit!”

28) “Eek! Ran out of coke.”

29) “I never wanted to be a DM, I wanted to be a lumberjack!”

30) “…and then you notice her eyes are glowing.”

31) “How many hit points did you say you had left?”

32) “Thought I’d bring my 9 year old nephew to the game. I want him to learn to play.”

33) “My 9 year old nephew wrote this adventure… He’ll be right out to DM it…”

34) “Whose miniature is that on the far right? Ewwww, sorry.”

35) “No, you saved–that is half.”

36) “Save.”

37) “Can I borrow all your dice?”

38) “Can I borrow EVERYONE’S dice?”

39) (When he starts answering questions directed at you.)

40) “Explain to me EXACTLY what you are doing.”


42) “My favourite monster? Well, any level draining undead, really…”

43) “Oops.”

44) “Read this note. Don’t tell anyone else what happened.”

45) “What level were you?”

46) “You aren’t, by any chance, immune to…?”

47) “Take a few minutes to check your character sheet. See if you can
squeeze out another save bonus.”

48) “Don’t worry about the damage. Just lie still for a while. We’ll see
how things go.”

49) “You are under a magical compulsion. Direct your most effective attack against .”

50) “Roll 4d6 six times and drop the lowest die each time.”

51) “I need to speak with you…alone.”

52) “Give me your character sheet.”

53) “Check your perception please. You failed? I guess you don’t sense this coming…”

54) “You will advance at the rate of one x.p. per game.”

55) “I hope y’all didn’t create big backgrounds, because we’re playing
Tomb of Horrors!”

56) “Damn. That was my last coke.”

57) “Hang on, I gotta look this one up!!”

58) (After you make a request that’ll put unimaginable power into the hands
of your character) “Okay.”

59) “Tell me EXACTLY where you are standing when you do this.”

60)”Heeheehee heeheeheehee!”

61) “Now is it pronounced Wyrm, Worm, or Vorm?”

62) “SIGH. . .”

63) “You don’t find any traps.”

64) “You don’t find the trap.”

65) “You don’t seem to find anything.”

66) “Heheheh….cool.”

67) “cough….OOOOOkay.”

68) “What WAS your Con?”

69) “Take X damage. Permanently.”

70) “You do that? I’ll get back to you.”

71) “Uhm…how about going out for a soda run?”

72) “Now that’s gonna hurt!”

73) “Oops, I forgot he had that.” “Now who was the first one to insult him?”

74) “What’s your standing with your god right now?”

75) “Did your character have a will that wasn’t on his body?”

76) “You told the priest who your next of kin was, right?”

77) “I didn’t know those things hit so hard…”

78) “You didn’t like that character, did you?”

79) “Kevin, you hear <>. Everyone else, you hear <> <>
<> <> <>”

80) “Saving throw?”

81) “Sorry.”

82) “Hey– Neat.”

83) “Now that’s just swell.”

84) “Are you sure you don’t want to attack him? You don’t seem to be
grasping the ‘easy’ solution…”

85) [Any of the assorted evil laughs that come up regularly.]

86) [While rolling up a crit] “I’d like to see that. It’d just be funny to actually see…”

87) “You know, this game is supposed to have a high turnover rate. I’ve been too nice to you guys lately.”

88) During any conversation out of game: “Now there’s an idea. I’m going to have to do that to you guys…”

89) “I’m going to need more dice for this.”

90) “OK, guys, I’m not gonna sit here rolling all these dice. I’ll just use the average damage. And I’ll just assume you save.”

91) “Come with me and bring your dice.”

92) “..and a pencil with an eraser…”

93) “Hmm… I have a good session planned. I’m pretty sure the survivors will go up a level…”

94) “I forgot and left all my stuff at at the lake house, so I’ll wing it.”

95) “You think you saw a shadow moving around the corner.”

96) “You think you heard some indistinct noise from your side.”
97) “You feel a sudden chill.”

98) “Click.”

99) “It smells kinda funny in here. Roll a d20 please..”

100) “As far as you can tell, the room appears to be empty.”

101) “Don’t get too comfortable, this won’t last long.”

102) “…So then Odin says ‘Oh YEAH?!? Well take THIS…'”

103) “Hey, remember that $20 I lent you that you never paid back? Well, consider THIS payback!”

104) “Then your new, jet-black sword says…”

105) “Then the demon says…”

106) “What is your save vs. death? Oh, wait a minute, it doesn’t matter

107) “You realize that the sun seems to be getting a lot bigger…”